That was until this year. The year of multiple jobs, more-than-full-time college, living away from home, relationships, friendships, graduation, moving home, starting work full-time.. The last full year has been the most challenging, gut-wrenching, sleepless, wonderful, beautiful, sad, joyful year.
There have been many tears. Tears of stress. Tears of fear. Tears of happiness. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of pain. Tears of thankfulness. They are the safety valve of the heart and they leak out when the pressure is just that high. Sometimes at night, when all is quiet. Or there are times that I find myself crying silently while driving to/from work, often remembering all that has happened. All that God has done and is still doing. Those times are precious, just He and I. He has heard my voice this past year more than I dare say He has in the other years of my life combined.
There are times when the tears hurt. When they come from that place that I don't even understand. Frustrated. Angry.
There are times when they are sweet. When I am overwhelmed with His greatness and glory. Thankful. Awed by the way He is working.
There are times when they are sad. When I want to step in and fix everything for those I love. Aching. Pleading. Wanting so badly to see them safe. Strong.
Those tears often come with no words. Only a silent pleading can make it through the emotions. One night I flipped through the pages of my Bible in desperation, looking for anything that showed me He cared. That He heard me.
He does hear, Loved one. He does care.
Thou has taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Thy bottle;
Are they not in Thy book?
Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call;
This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
In the Lord ,whose word I praise,
In God I have put my trust,
I shall not be afraid.
He is as aware of our tears as He is the birds that fall from the sky. And He cares so much more for us, for we are created in His image. Created to glorify Him. He is attentive to every thing that goes through our hearts and heads.
I have learned that when those tears come, to cry hard. Let it out. But. Pray harder. He holds those tears as tightly as He holds you in His hand... And all that comes to you that might possibly cause tears, it has to go through His scarred hands first.
I cry hard. But I pray harder, because I know that God is for me. Because I have faith that the One I trust, is for me. And I shall not be afraid. He holds my tears in His bottle.