I've been working my way through 1 Peter slowly. I honestly don't even remember when I started it, because I was taking it one slow chunk at a time, working through it until I felt that I understood it. Finishing it off this morning, I was on a section that I had actually memorized last school year. I had to keep myself from rushing through it because I already "knew" it, and as I came to 1 Peter 5:5-11, I read it with the painstaking pace of a first grader.
You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves to humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring loin, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:5-11)
When I worry about something, spending hours of my time thinking about it, I am telling Him that I don't think that He is big enough to work it for His glory and my best interest (which is His glory). I am telling Him that I can somehow fix it or come up with an alternative to whatever He is doing. Because of course, my way is faster, easier, and less painful.
My way doesn't show humility. It shows pride. It shows that I don't completely trust Him to care for me.. Because it says right there that He cares for me. He cares for me, and gives Grace to those who are humble. The proud however, He is opposed to.
It was a good morning.. I spent a lot of time talking to Him about what I was worrying about. What I was holding onto, even if I didn't really realize it. I asked Him to show me what it was that was keeping myself from humbling myself under His hand... Because safe under His hand is where I want to be.