Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Two years ago... Day two of the Big Ticket Festival.. The leader of the group I was with needed to talk with me.. As we walked towards the front gate, I had no idea what was going on.

Then I saw Mom and one of her best friends, walking towards me. My first reaction was one of excitement... Until I realized that they both had red eyes..

I got to Mom and she clung to me.

"Hannie... Uncle Steve is dead."

There, under the gate of the fairground, we cried together. We clung to each other. She held me, and I held her.

It was decided that I would stay and try to finish out the weekend.. It wasn't easy. My heart was raw. I broke down sobbing under the stars during the Third Day concert when they sang "Otherside." I clung to my friends, and functioned off of their support.

I stood in the back of the Thousand Foot Krutch concert andcried when their opening song was Rawkfist.. The last time I had seen my Uncle we had traded ring tones, because he had Rawkfist, which is one of my all-time favorite TFK songs. Apparently it was his, too. I had plans to get him their newest CD and have it personally autographed for him, which is what I was headed to do right before Mom came.

That Monday, rather then shipping him a cd along with some cookies I was going to make him, I touched his cold hand while he lay in the casket on a blistering hot day. I listened to my Aunt whisper in my ear that we were strong and would make it through. I watched my cousins place their football jersey's in his casket with him. I hugged them all.

My Uncle was a strong man and I loved him dearly. He was a fighter and he was immovable. Quiet, with a quick sense of humor. Stern, with loving eyes. He would always, ALWAYS tell me that he loved me, and squeeze me tight every time I saw him.

I miss him. Some days it hurts. But I have the comfort of knowing that he is Home. He is where he wanted to be.
For him, 'to live was Christ and to die was gain.' He definitely lived Christ his last years on earth. He loved his wife and children. He loved his sister, Mom, nephews, and nieces. He loved his football players. He lived Christ. And when he died, he gained more than we can ever hope to here on earth. Because of that, I know he has won. It was not a battle lost, but a battle where he impacted more people then most of us ever do. A battle where he returned home, victorious, and heard his Father say "well done, my good and faithful servant."

I’ve been sitting here for way too long
It’s time that I was moving on
I know that there’s a better way
I think I’m going to make a change
So come along now to where I’m going
Take me to the other side
‘Cause I need something better
Take me to the other side
‘Cause I want to live forever
One thing that’s for sure I know
This won’t be an easy road
Let me ask before I leave
Won’t you come along with me
So come along now to where I’m going
Come along now to where I’m going
Take me to the other side
Take me to the other side
Take me to the other side
‘Cause I want to live forever
Live forever
Take me to the other side

Sunday, June 19, 2011

~*Daddy's Girl*~

I am blessed to be many things.. I am a friend, niece, best friend, granddaughter, cousin, daughter, and Daddy's Little Girl...

Dad has this uncanny ability to know (almost) exactly what I am thinking, just by looking at me. He knows what I am trying to say, when I don't even know what it is that I am hopelessly trying to communicate to him. He is the only person who can read me like an open book, 24/7. He knows me, he knows my desires, my heart, what makes me excited, what depresses me, and what makes me laugh.

I have always known that when I get home late at night, no matter the time, he will be waiting up for me. Usually camped out on the couch, reading or half-asleep, but awake and waiting nonetheless. He doesn't go back to his room until I am ready to crash in my room for the night.
I know that he will protect me with his life if necessary. He has guarded me physically, emotionally, and spiritually from the time I was first placed in his arms.
I know that he loves to make me laugh. We have a very similar sense of humor.. Last night he was praying with me before bed, and I asked him to hit the lights on his way out... He smirked, turned around, did this cute little walk over to the light fixture on my ceiling, and "hit" it. He then asked me if I would like him to "turn off" my light before he left. A little thing, but it sent me to bed with a smile on my face.
I can also guarantee that I am probably one of the only college students who has done their late night studying to the sound of their father playing "Winnie the Pooh" and "A Kiss to Build a Dream On" on the banjo. Honestly? I am going to miss that a lot when I leave this fall.

Above all this, I know that I can go to him about anything. I can't count the number of times he has waited until everyone else is asleep before coming into my room, plopping down on my bed, and asking me if I need to talk. And talk we have.. From friends, God, family, boys, church, relationships, and countless other topics, we have talked late into the night. His advisement and suggestions are precious to me and don't get thrown out as soon as he offers them.
Dad and I have passed from the phase of a parent telling a child what to do, to a father helping his daughter think through each step and situation as a young adult. His patience and desire to see me succeed in all that I do have taken me far. He has always been honest with me. I know that if I want to hear the truth, I can go to him. I know that if I am struggling with something, I can go to him. I know that if I am lonely or missing him, he will hold me. I know that if I am giddy and happy and want to spill it over on someone, I can go to him and let the words flow.

My Dad is a man with a collection of skills. A plethora of hobbies. A variety of talents. But in my mind? In my mind, he is a man with a huge heart. A heart that first and foremost desires to serve and glorify God, and through that desire a heart that loves, leads, and cherishes his family.

Daddy, I love you!! Those who know me know that, for they have heard me brag on you. For all you have done, for who you are, what you do, and how you lead all of us, thank you. You have given me the best example I could ever want for what it means to be a man who Loves God first and his family second... A man who Loves his wife and children as Christ Loves the church. You have shown me what true Love really is. You really are the best Dad that I could've ever wanted.

And I 'like' really mean that... ;-).

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Let everything I do...

Can You take me by the hand?
Can You use me as I am?
Break me into who You want me to be
When the time is finally right
Will You open up my eyes and show me everything You want me to see?
This life is not my own

To God alone be the Glory
To God alone be the praise
Everything I say and do
Let be all for You
The Glory is Yours alone
Yours alone

Take the offering I bring
You want more than what I sing
Can I give You every part of me?
Turn these pennies into gold
Take this life I call my own
Until I'm running after Your heart
I'm needing to let go

To God alone be the Glory
To God alone be the praise
Everything I say and do
Let be all for You
The Glory is Yours alone
Yours alone

We will rise and we will fall
But You remain after all
Your Glorious and Beautiful
Your Beautiful

To God alone be the Glory
To God alone be the praise
Everything I say and do
Let be all for You
The Glory is Yours alone
The Glory is Yours alone
Yours alone
Yours alone
(To God Alone, Aaron Shust)

Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth,
Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice,
yes, and I will rejoice.
(Philippians 1:18)

... According to my earnest expectation and hope,
that I shall not be put to shame in anything,
but that with all boldness,
Christ shall even now, as always,
be exalted in my body,
whether by life or by death.
(Philippians 1:20)

And every created thing which is in heaven and on the earth
and under the earth and on the sea,
and all things in them,
I heard saying,
'To Him who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb,
be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever.'
(Revelations 5:13)