I wonder.

I have spent a lot of time the past two days thinking about Mary. During the Christmas season, we talk about baby Jesus, the Wisemen, the Shepherds, Kind Herod, and even the donkey. But sometimes I think we lose track of Mary a bit.

I've been wondering what it would have been like to be Mary. And I say wonder, because I mean I have literally stayed awake at night, thinking about it. To be betrothed to Joseph, waiting to marry him. To be young and excited and in love. And then all of a sudden, she finds out that she is pregnant. And not just randomly pregnant(not that it ever is random.. But that's the best word I could come up with), she is pregnant with the Savior of the whole world. The doubt she experienced had to have been overwhelming at first... In herself, and her ability to mother Jesus, in what Gabriel told her.

I can't imagine what it was like for Mary...

To feel Him kick for the first time.

To sing to Him while she carried Him.

To hold Him in the stable, keeping Him close so He would stay warm.

To rock Him, quieting His cries.

To feed Him.

To bathe Him.

To wipe His chubby baby cheeks after He ate.

To hold His hands as He learned to walk.

To hear His first words.

To tickle Him.

To tuck Him into bed, kissing His forehead.

To make His favorite meals as a starving teenager.

To watch Him go off, preaching to those who hated Him.

To see Him nailed to the cross, watching as He died.

To have Him speak to her, moments before He died. The same voice she had heard for the last thirty-some years.

Mary had a relationship with Jesus I don't think any of us can quite understand. She was not only one of the people He had come to save, she was His Mom.

I wonder if she joked with Him. I wonder if she ever crept into His room while He slept and sat by His side, wondering exactly what was in store for Him. I wonder if she ever prayed for Him to be spared. I wonder if she ever got mad at Him. I wonder if she would tell people "that's my son." I wonder if He ever comforted her when she was doubting or fearful.

She was chosen for an incredible task. She probably doubted. She probably wondered why she was the chosen one. But she depended upon God for the strength to carry out the task that was given her, and raise the one who would become her Savior. She was fully committed to the task that God have given her, a task that would take most of her life.

Shouldn't it be the same way with us? Shouldn't we be committed to Him for our LIFE? Asking Him for help when we are afraid, or doubting that we are able to accomplish what we have been given? To trust, even when we have no clue what is going on? To ask Him to hold us together, when it seems as all is falling apart around us?

I think like Mary did, we should.