Monday, July 5, 2010

Aching Transparency

Last weekend I had the chance to go to a 3 day festival in Gaylord, MI with my friends. While there I got to see many of my favorite bands, with Newsboys, Devil Wears Prada and a group called Fireflight at the top of my list of bands I “had to see.”

Three years ago I went to a two-day conference, and Fireflight did a concert at the end. You know how sometimes someone is speaking or singing, and you could swear that what they are saying is just for you, and it feels like there's no one else in the room? This was one of those times.


Fiction and Reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You’ve been searching you’ve been crying out,
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?

You decide
Who will you run to
Wrong or right
There is no reason
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life
You decide

God is calling out to you again,
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up your life,
Will you stay the same or will you fight

Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
It’s tearing you apart
God is calling out to you just let healing start
Will you open up and let Him in?


At the time, I was seriously struggling with trusting God with my fear. Mom was in the middle of treatments for her cancer, we had just started going to a new church where I knew no one, and I felt angry and utterly hopeless. This song made me cry. And I don't mean just a little bit.. I sobbed. It was a turning point for me, and the start of a slow, long journey to where I am today.

So... Fireflight impacted me three years ago. What about now? This year they came out with their latest and greatest cd, For Those Who Wait. This song, Core of My Addiction is one of my favorites off the album, and hearing them do it live was incredible. This year at college has been a chance for me to strengthen my beliefs, stand for them, and share them. This song has been an encouragement as well as a challenge.


I’m aching, transparent
Your eyes see right through me,
I’m dependent and shaking,
I’m falling to my knees

And I can’t contain this
You’re the only one I need
I’m hooked and I cannot hide it
Your love’s controlling me

You’re the core of my addiction
I want to live, want to lose myself in You
You’re the heart of my obsession
I want to live, but I would die for You
I’m addicted


“You’re the core of my addiction, I want to live, want to lose myself in You.” That, is why I chose “achingly transparent.” I want to be achingly transparent with Him, living as if I'm addicted to Him. It challenges me every time I hear that to check myself, to see if I'm living to please Him, and if He's truly the heart of my obsession.

This song also challenges me to be transparent with those around me. To not hide my faith, and live like I believe it...

"I’m hooked and I cannot hide it, Your love’s controlling me."

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