Achingly Transparent

A beautiful day. Blue sky, green grass, a picnic table in the sun... Yet there are tears smearing the words I write. I pray this aloud through the tears as I write, with no other words to say I am thankful that He gives me the words.

Behold, I go forward but You are not there,

And backward, but I cannot perceive You;

When You act on the left, 

I cannot behold You;

You turn on the right,

I cannot see You.

But You know the way I take;

When You have tried me,

I shall come forth as gold.

My foot has held fast to Your path;

I have kept Your way and not turned aside.

I have not departed from the command of Your lips;

I have treasured the words of Your mouth more than my necessary food.

But You are unique and who can turn You?

And what Your soul desires, that You do.

For You perform what is appointed for me,

And many such decrees are with You.

(Job 23:8-14)

When I cannot sleep, eat, or focus, what is there left to do but trust that He has me under His hand? When I wake up shaking because of my dreams and am left believing that I have no one to turn to, what is there to do but call on His name over, and over again, whispering it aloud as I try to sleep? When it seems He is the only one Who cares to listen and trust me, I will talk. When I have no words to say, I trust His Spirit to intercede. When it feels as if I have no friends, I will run to the only One I know will never leave me. I look to the day where I see His face and know that all is for His glory. I will not stop seeking His will and I will not stop believing He will give me what my heart desires - for that He has promised.