Love Never Fails - Brandon Heath

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous.
Love does not brag and is not arrogant.
Love does not act unbecomingly.
Love does not seek it's own.
Love is not provoked.
Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness.
Love rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things.
Love believes all things.
Love hopes all things.
Love endures all things.

Love. Never. Fails.

Bucket List?

I thought about writing out a "bucket list" last night while I was falling asleep. A compilation of all the goofy witty things that I want to do before I go to my real Home someday. As I got to thinking of it, I realized that the things that I *really* want to do are much deeper than anything you could put on a bucket list... This is my "heart's desire" list.

1. I want to work in pediatrics as a PTA. It is possible to become recognized as a 'specialist' in peds by taking continuing education courses and working with them for multiple (thousand+) hours. PT can be miserable as an adult, and to do it with children you have to be able to make it enjoyable for them. I especially would love to be able to work at a large hospital like DeVos in MI, or another children's hospital, but most of all I just want to be able to work with and love on these kids... All while helping them to live a more functional life.

2. I want to go back to Honduras... Work with the orphans. Possibly in a medical setting, or simply just to go and be the hands and feet of Jesus. I don't know that I would say I want it to be long-term. But the opportunity to go back for a couple weeks and share Him with them... I've seen it before, these kids thrive off of love and attention... I figure I have plenty to share with them. Not to mention that they. are. adorably. precious.

(doesn't he just make your heart melt?)

3. I want to marry the man of my dreams, becoming his support, his helper, and loving him for as long as God allows, through whatever we may face together. Side by side, hand in hand.

4. This has been a piece of my heart for practically forever.. I am just going to say it, so that you can take it however you want. I am not saying I am going to go get pregnant. I am completely content to wait until God brings the right time. But in my heart, I want to be a Mom. I want to bear children. I've been told I'm crazy... And I might be! But I believe God has given me that desire for a reason. I know that He doesn't give it to everyone.. I know other woman my age who have no interest in children whatsoever. In fact, pregnancy is viewed as a burden... But to me? It's one of the most magnificent, incredible things that could happen.

5. After #4 happens, I want to homeschool my children. I picked this picture because I'm hoping my little girl/boy will have curly hair like I did when I was little ;). But I want to spend time with them each and every day, raising them to Love each other, to work with each other, and most importantly, to Love God. I have no intention of working as a PTA once I am a Mom. I want to teach them how to write. How to count. I want to tell them about Daniel, David, Ruth, Esther, Jesus. I want to curl up on the couch after lunch and read with them...

6. I want to know my Bible. I figure that if I know my Bible, I will have spent many, many hours with Him. Which honestly? That is my life's amibition. To know Him and walk with Him every step of the way. Through joy.

Through gladness.

Through pain.

Through tears.

Through heartache.

Through love.

Through happiness.

Through every thing that I encounter, I want to have Him with me. I want His heart for His people to become my heart. I want His Love for His children to be my Love. I want to see others as He sees them. 

Simple, right? There are plenty of other things that I want to do. But these are the things that my heart aches for. The things I have wanted to do since I was a little girl. The desires that I believe God has given to me, to live out to His glory, honor, and praise... Step by step.

Listen

My post a couple weeks ago was about listening to what He was telling me. I spent the days after that struggling with myself. I felt like I was choking, when I didn't know what I was choking on. It took my finally coming to my end and asking Him to show me what it was that I was stuck on.

He showed me.

I said no way. Not applicable anymore.

He showed me again.

I shoved it to the back of my head. He didn't really want me to.

He showed me a third time in a different way.

I asked Him not to make me do that. I didn't want to eat that piece of humble pie.

He asked me again.

I gathered the courage and did what He wanted me to do. It. Was. Hard.

Never have I felt more worried about something that He asked me to do.. Honestly, to face something that had happened when I first started college and apologize to the people I most care about, I was terrified. I had never had to do anything like that before. I had never had to humble myself and apologize for something that I had shoved to the back of my head.

It wasn't hard because what I was apologizing for was some horrible thing. It was hard because I am a proud person and didn't want anyone to think poorly of me.

Me. Me. Me.

When I finally listened to what God was showing me, doing what He was asking me to do, He took that weight off my shoulders. When I humbled myself and did something for Him, He was with me. He took my heart that was in my throat and the butterflies in my stomach and held them.

He Loves it when we listen. He Loves it when we are willing to do the hard, the scary, the humbling, because we know that it will bring us closer to Him. Because we know that it will bring Him Glory, Honor, and Praise. It isn't easy. But believe me... It's completely, totally, 100% worth it.

$1.20

Being sick while 320 miles away from home is not a fun time.

I finally decided to go in this afternoon after not being able to breathe 1/4 of my way up the 4 flights of stairs to my classroom.. I came back up to my room (via elevator) and bundled up for the walk up to my car... Which includes another 4 flights of stairs. It is raining, pouring, and incredibly windy here, (to the point that some guys from the hockey team who originate from some foreign country decided to pull on the wet-suits and head for Lake Superior to go surfing. I'm still questioning their sanity.) as well as 44*. Fun conditions for a hike up to my car, when I already can't breathe normally.

Backing up a little bit.. I did not want to go in this afternoon, simply because I knew it wouldn't be cheap. Earlier this week I had thought about it, and once again, decided I should be able to kick this on my own, without the help of any Z-Pack related substance.

Mom called me yesterday to tell me that I had received a check in the mail from the place I worked all summer. Since I had no idea what it was, and was rather curious, I had her open it for me. $50.
Random, right? I thought so. Until she told me the memo line said "Raffle." A while back (in February, I think?), we were all given rotary club calendars at a company meeting. The receptionist took our numbers off the back and was going to watch the drawings for us. I had honestly completely forgotten all about it.

Apparently, I won.

$50.

Fast forward to this afternoon.. I finally decided that going in was worth it. I called around about my insurance and found the best (aka cheapest) place to go, and braved the monsoon to get there, which included getting slightly lost.
The NP that saw me actually knew of my hometown, and was super sweet. Though she succeeded in scaring me when she told me right off the bat that if my O2 levels were any lower than 90% I was going to be headed right to the ED. Thankfully I scored an almost perfect 99%... =P. She made the determination of bronchitis, gave me a prescription for a Z-Pack (shocker!), and the receptionist took my $30 and sent me on my way.

The clinic was actually located right there in a shopping center. I turned my prescription in and wandered around looking at random things until I ran out of breath, and then decided sitting sounded much better.
Total for 6 little pills to be taken over the next 5 days, that actually work for 10 days, according to the package?
$21.20. I've never had to pay for a prescription before and was a little sticker-shocked at this price.. but paid it and took the drugs.

Mental math that ensued after that: $30 + $21.20 = $51.20.

I think I can handle covering an extra $1.20 after God sent the other $50...

 Once again, He cares for His children and plans things out to bless us, so that when we receive the blessings we know that they came from only Him. He loves to bless His children. He loves it when we acknowledge Him. And I'm sure He was chuckling at the look on my face today when I realized those pills cost that much!

Listen

God has gotten my attention over the past 4 days.

It came first via the Bible study I am going through right now on Solomon.

"Are there areas in your life where you are not walking in complete obedience?"

Solomon had most of his life pretty well figured out. He was the one who asked for wisdom instead of money or riches or power... This pleased God, and God gave him incredible wisdom. Along with money, riches, and power. But Solomon had a problem. He had a weak spot. His wives. Yes, plural, Solomon had many, many, many wives. Enough to keep him incredibly busy.
The sheer number of wives wasn't his only problem though, the problem was that he was making political marriages and marrying women that God had commanded them not to. This led to his downfall of worshiping in pagan temples.

I had no answer to the question when I read it first.. I left it blank to come back to after thinking about it on my drive home.

Second was through a podcast I was listening to on my way home. On the most boring stretch of road on the whole trip, I really tuned into what I was hearing, because the other alternative was to zone out and fall asleep. I swear that right before the podcast started I heard Him..


"Are you listening, child?"

The Pastor was talking about the different areas of obedience and surrender to God. He started listing off all of the areas in life that Christians will or could have problems with, and encouraged the listeners to rate themselves on each topic. 0 being no problem with it ever, 10 being that you struggle with it constantly.

He started listing things off. Kindness, fairness, patience, honesty, integrity, generosity, Love, clean speech, holiness, gentleness, purity in thought... As he started going through them, I started flinching at one here, one there.

"Ok God, I get it."

"Do you really?"

I realized, I don't really "get" it.

We won't ever really "get" it.

We are not God, and can never be perfect. But we can strive to serve Him and seek after Him with our whole being, asking Him to help us in the areas where we rate only a sad 9 or 10. If we come to Him with an attitude of true repentance, without making excuses and complaining, and if we are truly sincere about our desire to change, He will help us to change. I found my answer to that question in the Solomon study. I came up with three major areas where I am in desperate need of His help to overcome my selfishness and pursue Him.

He gives us the power to overcome temptation - if we take advantage of it. I don't believe that is something we can do without thinking about it. It must be something that we actively do. A choice to pursue Him and flee from evil.... Day. By. Day.

Home =)

Sometimes a short weekend at home is the most encouraging thing you can do.

After a week with many tests and practicals, little sleep, and lots of caffeine, I packed up and headed home as soon as my last exam was done.

The drive home was absolutely gorgeous. The colors were in peak, the roads were clear, and the sun was shining. I don't recommend making that drive on 5 hours of sleep, but a Starbucks Double-Shot Vanilla something-er-other dissipated any exhaustion as soon as it hit my stomach! I had Nancy Leigh DeMoss, James MacDonald, and John MacArthur to keep me company (along with a little Laura Story and Chris Tomlin for singin' along), and I felt like I got home a lot quicker than normal.

Seeing my family, my best friend, my other best friend, his family, and my church family was a fantastic pick-me-up. Lazy mornings with the family, movie night with the family, and laying around on the couches after church with my sisters "packed tighter than a litter of puppies," according to my baby sister. Being home also renews the feeling of homesickness a bit.. But I have to say, I am astounded that the semester has gone so quickly. Now that midterms are over, I have a week and a half until "fall break" (aka, a long weekend), and then I have three and a half weeks until I move close to home for my first clinical...  

I couldn't help but praise Him all the way home, and then all the way back up here. I can honestly say I don't mind the car ride anymore, because it's 6 hours of uninterrupted time with Him. I'm looking forward to doing it again.. In TEN days!!!