Coffee in one hand, a thick blue folder in the other hand, and a pager on my hip, I walk down the hallway amid people clothed in scrubs. A yellow shirt and dress pants, my hair pulled smartly back to keep it out of the way, and my white lab coat tie the look together.
This has become my new daily routine (although usually it's sans coffee). I go from floor to floor in the acute/cardiac area, in and out of hallways, finding and reading charts, tracking down nurses, and working with the patients. The wonderful thing about a clinical is that it's learning on the job(minus the paycheck). And while on the job? You gain an incredible amount of confidence as you help people "ambulate" and "assess their gait"or other such things.
Some people are cranky, and don't want to be seen. Others are hurting and it's all they can do to keep their focus on what you're asking them to do. My favorite have a sense of humor that could be used on a show called "Ninety-seven-year-old's say the Darndest Things." Most every person I have come in contact with has loved the fact that I am a student, and they are more than willing to work with me as I'm not the most adept at untangling IV lines, catheter bags, drain tubes, oxygen lines, and juggling an IV pole and an O2 tank.
I've done things I never thought I would do before, such as assisting people in the bathroom, talking with confused and disoriented pt's, adjusting and clipping catheter lines onto my pocket while we're walking in the hall, or helping someone get dressed. I get to tuck people back into bed, and make sure they're comfortable before I leave, and hook and unhook medical lines.
More important then that, is going into each room with a smile and something encouraging to say. Patience is definitely a requirement in a situation like this. So many people who are in a hospital situation are hurting. They're tired of being there, even if it's only been a day. They don't think they're doing well. They just want to go home. They hurt. They're never going to get better... It's sad =(. I saw today especially, that if you offer encouragement and help them to see the progress that they've made? They respond much better.
I see the hope. The smile on their face. There is no feeling like getting someone who is discouraged and saddened by their state to truly smile, so that it goes all the way to their eyes.
The story in the hospital goes, that the only medical personnel that patient's dislike seeing more than the physical therapists are the people from infusion, who come to poke and prod with needles.. Though there are some days where I'm sure we rate much lower, depending on the situation.
These people are in pain, and I've discovered a way to help them get better. I've discovered that being a joy to them rather than being frustrated with them, and smiling and talking with them rather than snapping at them, is a refresher to them and to myself. It's rewarding to spread a smile. Sometimes just distracting them from their current situation and getting them down to a new area of the floor, where they can see the view of the city while they talk about their family, is enough.
I enjoy it more than I thought I ever would. The hustle and the bustle. The new cases. The differing diagnoses. And all the lives that I get to become a small part of. All of it ties together into one long day, which sometimes leaves me ready for bed by 8. Like today. But you know? I don't mind. Helping people is basically one of the best things ever, in any capacity.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Completed
I don't quite know what to do with myself... I completed my last practical today at 1:30. Being my massage practical, it was easy. A nice relief after my Neuro practical this morning at 9:30, where my professor did a scarily accurate imitation of someone with Multiple Sclerosis.
Needless to say though, I am so used to spending three or more hours a night studying, now that the majority of my stuff is packed, I'm at a loss with what to do with myself!
So here it is, a review of the last 8 months, by way of some pictures.. For your entertainment, curiosity, or boredom ;)..
Needless to say though, I am so used to spending three or more hours a night studying, now that the majority of my stuff is packed, I'm at a loss with what to do with myself!
So here it is, a review of the last 8 months, by way of some pictures.. For your entertainment, curiosity, or boredom ;)..
Mom got a Facebook shortly after I left!
By far the most beautiful study area I've ever had.
Staying awake on the 6hr drive to and from home..
Clinical 1, including surgery observation!
(I wish I got to wear scrubs every day! They are basically awesome, I think)
Mail from Mom, clearly labeled so I knew which one to open when!
(Love containing envelopes were opened at lunch, grown-up stuff envelopes waited till after dinner)
Lots of chocolate... Day, night, lunch, dinner, breakfast... Any time of the day!
We did a lot of odd things in class.. Electrocuting each other, "cupping", taping, stretching, bending, bracing, stump-wrapping, and others.
Study sessions the night before an exam! I learned quickly when you take 19 credits that you read generally through material and then study the guides given by professors hard-core the night before the exam.
The upper floor/top deck of the lab.
More chocolate.
We ate in the lab once or twice a month, sometimes potlucks,
birthday celebrations, or late night studying!
Beautiful sunsets from the top of the hill..
Same lunch crew, same table, always full of interesting conversations...
I will miss these people, for sure.
We managed to get out of the classroom once in a while..
Though conversation always seemed to focus around school.
Coming home and becoming a "Hannah-sandwich"
Mom =)
The stress reliever = the gym. Which finally = running just over 2 miles.
Slowly, but it happened.
It's been a whirlwind of a time. I'm still in shock that I'm done with the major coursework. From here, it's just clinical, which I'll be within an hour and a half of home at all times for. I think that'll be the best part =).
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Integrity?
What do you do when no one is watching? When you're away from the people that you know will call you out on an unacceptable action, word, or outfit? Do you forget that He is watching?
Going away to college is probably the best opportunity you have to be able to figure that out. I lived happily with my parents my first two years of college before I transferred six hours away.. Until that point, I knew that they were paying attention to what I was doing, where I was going, and even what I was wearing. Now? I know they aren't. And honestly, three or four years ago, I probably would've pushed the envelope had I been in this situation, with this kind of 'freedom'. I am so glad that I didn't have the opportunity.
I know a lot of this is the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but I also think a lot of it comes from the ways that my parents raised me. They raised me to show integrity in my actions and the things I do. They know what I'm doing up here. They trust me to be smart and keep a level head.
The three biggest areas I see people pushing when they come to college are language, booze, and clothing.
This campus is one of the most vulgar, crass settings I have ever been in. There are many times while eating in the cafeteria I have toyed with the idea of shoving someone's face into their plate of food to stop the stream of "colorful" words that are flowing from their mouth like a contorted rainbow. Swearing does not make you sound "cool." On the contrary, as soon as I hear a four letter word fly from your mouth, I lose a good chunk of whatever amount of respect I had for you. There is no need and no reason for it. If anything, it shows you have a lack of creativity to come up with something else to say, or a lack of self-control to keep your mouth shut.
It isn't just swearing though. The amount of disrespect that goes around towards professors, parents, and other teachers is just as prevalent. I was raised to know that if I said something disrespectful, especially towards my parents, I would be able to remember exactly what I said. Because my rear end would be sore for the next couple days. It saddens me to see the people that didn't start off doing this in August, are now doing it. It's infectious.
Booze. Vodka. Rum. Whiskey. Beer. Weed. All of the above. It's everywhere. I would be willing to bet cash that I am the only person on my floor who has never had an alcoholic anything. I would also be willing to bet that half the people on my floor who have had something, did it from curiosity or peer pressure. Thankfully, I was blessed to be able to see what it does to people, and how it makes them act. Any curiosity I had in this area was sated simply through observation this semester.
Next, volleyball shorts are not shorts. They do not count. Anything made out of something other than spandex that is also the same length? Also does not count. Sports bras are made to be worn under a shirt. And a shirt is meant to cover your torso. Crazy, I know. Guys, boxers to breakfast? Really? And belts were created to keep your jeans above your rear end. Not cinch it below.
Joking aside though... I've found this is one area that it would've been all to easy for me to slip up in. While shopping today, I was considering an article of clothing.. I tried it on and decided I would get it. As I put it back on the hanger, that still, small voice kicked in. What am I doing? Buying something cute! But buying something that was more revealing than I should be wearing. But then again... I'm all the way up here. No one would ever know! Except for all the people up here who saw me in it... The Holy Spirit won, and the item went back on the rack.
Am I justifying wearing something up here, simply because there aren't any Christian guys that I know, that I could cause to stumble? (And in all seriousness, I know one Christian guy up here. I've seen him twice this whole semester.) Am I cussing and swearing to fit in? Am I getting so trashed Friday night I don't know what day it is until Sunday?
No.
Why? Because in all three of these areas, integrity and godliness still apply. My actions and attitude here, around those who know that I am a Christian, but yet don't know me, are incredibly important to who I am and the One Who I claim to follow. I cannot honor Him if I am cussing behind His back, getting wasted on the weekends, or dressing in a revealing way. Why? Because you can *not* do *anything* behind His back. If the people around me see me doing any of the above, and confront me, what would my excuse be? I would have none other than I wasn't following His guidance. He gave me the Holy Spirit for a reason, and if for no reason other than this, I am so glad I was able to come up here for the last eight months, to learn to listen to His still, small voice.
Going away to college is probably the best opportunity you have to be able to figure that out. I lived happily with my parents my first two years of college before I transferred six hours away.. Until that point, I knew that they were paying attention to what I was doing, where I was going, and even what I was wearing. Now? I know they aren't. And honestly, three or four years ago, I probably would've pushed the envelope had I been in this situation, with this kind of 'freedom'. I am so glad that I didn't have the opportunity.
I know a lot of this is the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but I also think a lot of it comes from the ways that my parents raised me. They raised me to show integrity in my actions and the things I do. They know what I'm doing up here. They trust me to be smart and keep a level head.
The three biggest areas I see people pushing when they come to college are language, booze, and clothing.
This campus is one of the most vulgar, crass settings I have ever been in. There are many times while eating in the cafeteria I have toyed with the idea of shoving someone's face into their plate of food to stop the stream of "colorful" words that are flowing from their mouth like a contorted rainbow. Swearing does not make you sound "cool." On the contrary, as soon as I hear a four letter word fly from your mouth, I lose a good chunk of whatever amount of respect I had for you. There is no need and no reason for it. If anything, it shows you have a lack of creativity to come up with something else to say, or a lack of self-control to keep your mouth shut.
It isn't just swearing though. The amount of disrespect that goes around towards professors, parents, and other teachers is just as prevalent. I was raised to know that if I said something disrespectful, especially towards my parents, I would be able to remember exactly what I said. Because my rear end would be sore for the next couple days. It saddens me to see the people that didn't start off doing this in August, are now doing it. It's infectious.
Booze. Vodka. Rum. Whiskey. Beer. Weed. All of the above. It's everywhere. I would be willing to bet cash that I am the only person on my floor who has never had an alcoholic anything. I would also be willing to bet that half the people on my floor who have had something, did it from curiosity or peer pressure. Thankfully, I was blessed to be able to see what it does to people, and how it makes them act. Any curiosity I had in this area was sated simply through observation this semester.
Next, volleyball shorts are not shorts. They do not count. Anything made out of something other than spandex that is also the same length? Also does not count. Sports bras are made to be worn under a shirt. And a shirt is meant to cover your torso. Crazy, I know. Guys, boxers to breakfast? Really? And belts were created to keep your jeans above your rear end. Not cinch it below.
Joking aside though... I've found this is one area that it would've been all to easy for me to slip up in. While shopping today, I was considering an article of clothing.. I tried it on and decided I would get it. As I put it back on the hanger, that still, small voice kicked in. What am I doing? Buying something cute! But buying something that was more revealing than I should be wearing. But then again... I'm all the way up here. No one would ever know! Except for all the people up here who saw me in it... The Holy Spirit won, and the item went back on the rack.
Am I justifying wearing something up here, simply because there aren't any Christian guys that I know, that I could cause to stumble? (And in all seriousness, I know one Christian guy up here. I've seen him twice this whole semester.) Am I cussing and swearing to fit in? Am I getting so trashed Friday night I don't know what day it is until Sunday?
No.
Why? Because in all three of these areas, integrity and godliness still apply. My actions and attitude here, around those who know that I am a Christian, but yet don't know me, are incredibly important to who I am and the One Who I claim to follow. I cannot honor Him if I am cussing behind His back, getting wasted on the weekends, or dressing in a revealing way. Why? Because you can *not* do *anything* behind His back. If the people around me see me doing any of the above, and confront me, what would my excuse be? I would have none other than I wasn't following His guidance. He gave me the Holy Spirit for a reason, and if for no reason other than this, I am so glad I was able to come up here for the last eight months, to learn to listen to His still, small voice.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
T-14 Days
The end is IN SIGHT! 14 days from now I will be leaving campus. Before that, I have a final written exam in all of my classes (5 of those being Mon-Thurs next week), three papers to turn in, one PowerPoint to do, one group presentation to give, one Orthopedics/Therapeutic Modalities practical, one Neurology practical, one Massage practical, and one honors banquet to attend. Plus, I'm going home next weekend for 3 days (cannot wait). Needless to say, my view today has been the inside of the library... And the inside of a Cadbury Mini-Egg bag =D
When that's done? I'm not done, done. I'm just done with classes. I go to a large hospital about an hour and a half from my home for a 5 week/200 hour clinical. During which I have to compile and write a case study and study for the NPTAE (National Physical Therapist Assistant Exam). When that one is over, I go to a town which is two hours east-ish of my home, and do a clinical there for 5 weeks/200 hours, during which I'm expected to study 2-3 hours a day for the NPTAE, 6 days a week. That's the clinical where we are expected to be entry-level in all that we do, because it's the last thing we do before we are turned loose!
The end of June, I will travel back up to school for a 3 day seminar. We'll make sure we all have our paperwork in, and attend a two day prep course for the NPTAE. Two weeks later, I will take the dreaded NPTAE.
After that? I'm going on vacation with my family. And sleeping. And going on a really long bike ride. And reading something that I am not required to or assigned to read.
It's crunch time. I have three more months to stay healthy, in shape, and on the top of my game physically and mentally, and the insanity starts on Monday (which is why I'm eating the Cadbury eggs now!).
The idea of being done with school and starting work in the real world is a little intimidating. And honestly? I'm going to miss the friends I've made in my program and on campus. When you spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and then some with people, you get to know them!
But in a mere three months, I will have completed my goal of earning my degree. The license will follow shortly behind, and my current Mission will be completed, because of the strength given to me by my Master (God) since August... "I remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (I will) Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." (Psalms 27:13-14) I can't wait to see where He takes me next =)
When that's done? I'm not done, done. I'm just done with classes. I go to a large hospital about an hour and a half from my home for a 5 week/200 hour clinical. During which I have to compile and write a case study and study for the NPTAE (National Physical Therapist Assistant Exam). When that one is over, I go to a town which is two hours east-ish of my home, and do a clinical there for 5 weeks/200 hours, during which I'm expected to study 2-3 hours a day for the NPTAE, 6 days a week. That's the clinical where we are expected to be entry-level in all that we do, because it's the last thing we do before we are turned loose!
The end of June, I will travel back up to school for a 3 day seminar. We'll make sure we all have our paperwork in, and attend a two day prep course for the NPTAE. Two weeks later, I will take the dreaded NPTAE.
After that? I'm going on vacation with my family. And sleeping. And going on a really long bike ride. And reading something that I am not required to or assigned to read.
It's crunch time. I have three more months to stay healthy, in shape, and on the top of my game physically and mentally, and the insanity starts on Monday (which is why I'm eating the Cadbury eggs now!).
The idea of being done with school and starting work in the real world is a little intimidating. And honestly? I'm going to miss the friends I've made in my program and on campus. When you spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and then some with people, you get to know them!
But in a mere three months, I will have completed my goal of earning my degree. The license will follow shortly behind, and my current Mission will be completed, because of the strength given to me by my Master (God) since August... "I remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (I will) Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." (Psalms 27:13-14) I can't wait to see where He takes me next =)
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Remember
How many things does it take in one week to bring you back down to earth? After being home for a week, I wasn't exactly in the "school" mood when I got back to school. After my car breaking on the drive back up, a first day back consisting of almost entirely lecture (one room, 8 hours. No thank you!), getting 4 ridiculously high medical bills, and then finding out my insurance thinks I have some mysterious pre-existing condition and won't pay anything until I prove I don't? It was quite the week. I was looking forward to a weekend of relaxing (as much as one can with a decent amount of homework)... I drove out to a local park this afternoon to study in the sun (80 degrees in the UP. In March!), and my car broke again. At that point my attitude was "Are you kidding me?!"
It's not a huge problem (I don't think), and I will be able to get it fixed (I think). As I was sitting in the park, I was struck with the realization of how beautiful this place is that I have been able to go to school. The canal is still frozen over, and I tormented the seagulls by throwing my apple core onto the ice, followed by my orange peels.. I did complete *some* studying, but I mostly sat there and thought about the last 8 months, and the next 4. About everything I have completed, and everything I have yet to complete. About how blessed I have been by my family and friends. About how well Mom prepared me to come here and learn. About my previous classes and how well they prepared me for what I am now facing. About how God has brought so many little things into my life this week that were encouragements to me.
As I sat there watching all the little kids running around with their parents, I remembered that *that* is my passion. Seeing the little girls in their skirts, leggings, baseball caps, and sunglasses (seriously, one of the cutest outfit combos I have seen), it was almost as if He was reminding me why He has me here. Not only here as in school, so I can learn to work with (pediatric) patients... But also here as in on this earth as a whole. A broken car, medical bill, or stubborn insurance company won't hinder the desires He has given me. A lousy attitude, however, could.
He is giving me opportunities to trust Him and surrender these little things to Him. He is giving me the chance to learn to take a deep breath and step back. To do everything that I can do with all that I have in me.
In Exodus, God led the Isrealites out of captivity, but while He did that, He greatly worked on Moses' character. When Moses found the burning bush, and then realized what it was that God wanted him to do, he went "uh, hey God? This is great and all... But I don't do this speaking thing so swell... How about you find someone else?" God basically gave him a reality check. "Hey Moses? Who do you think made you? That'd be Me. And I want you to do this."
Moses was almost as stubborn as Pharaoh was in regards to doing what it was that God wanted. He dragged his feet. He let the Israelites push Him back into a state of mistrust when their workload was doubled by Pharaoh, and he went back to God to question Him.
What I love about all of this? God knew Pharaoh wasn't going to let His people go right away. He knew that Pharaoh wouldn't permit them to go, "except under compulsion" (Exodus 3:19) and He told this to Moses. He also told Moses that He was going to "harden his (Pharaoh's) heart so that he will not let the people go." (Exodus 4:21).
Moses knew he had a hard road ahead of him from the very beginning. He knew it wasn't going to be an easy task, but he also knew that God would be with him (Exodus 3:12). God was testing and growing Moses, from the very beginning. Every time that God brought something new to Moses, it was an opportunity for Moses to remember Who God was. That He was the God who brought them out of Egypt. That He was a God who remembered and kept His covenants. It was a learning experience for Moses almost more than anyone else! God had to get Moses ready to be able to lead His people on their upcoming journey.. Which means Moses needed to trust Him based off of previous experiences and God's word.
He does the same with us. He allows us to go through certain things, and He even knows ahead of time that they will happen. Whether it is something catastrophic or minor, it is a chance for us to remember Who He is and all that He has done for us. It's a chance for us to remember that He remembers us, and will keep His covenants. We just need to trust, obey, and remember.
It's not a huge problem (I don't think), and I will be able to get it fixed (I think). As I was sitting in the park, I was struck with the realization of how beautiful this place is that I have been able to go to school. The canal is still frozen over, and I tormented the seagulls by throwing my apple core onto the ice, followed by my orange peels.. I did complete *some* studying, but I mostly sat there and thought about the last 8 months, and the next 4. About everything I have completed, and everything I have yet to complete. About how blessed I have been by my family and friends. About how well Mom prepared me to come here and learn. About my previous classes and how well they prepared me for what I am now facing. About how God has brought so many little things into my life this week that were encouragements to me.
As I sat there watching all the little kids running around with their parents, I remembered that *that* is my passion. Seeing the little girls in their skirts, leggings, baseball caps, and sunglasses (seriously, one of the cutest outfit combos I have seen), it was almost as if He was reminding me why He has me here. Not only here as in school, so I can learn to work with (pediatric) patients... But also here as in on this earth as a whole. A broken car, medical bill, or stubborn insurance company won't hinder the desires He has given me. A lousy attitude, however, could.
He is giving me opportunities to trust Him and surrender these little things to Him. He is giving me the chance to learn to take a deep breath and step back. To do everything that I can do with all that I have in me.
In Exodus, God led the Isrealites out of captivity, but while He did that, He greatly worked on Moses' character. When Moses found the burning bush, and then realized what it was that God wanted him to do, he went "uh, hey God? This is great and all... But I don't do this speaking thing so swell... How about you find someone else?" God basically gave him a reality check. "Hey Moses? Who do you think made you? That'd be Me. And I want you to do this."
Moses was almost as stubborn as Pharaoh was in regards to doing what it was that God wanted. He dragged his feet. He let the Israelites push Him back into a state of mistrust when their workload was doubled by Pharaoh, and he went back to God to question Him.
What I love about all of this? God knew Pharaoh wasn't going to let His people go right away. He knew that Pharaoh wouldn't permit them to go, "except under compulsion" (Exodus 3:19) and He told this to Moses. He also told Moses that He was going to "harden his (Pharaoh's) heart so that he will not let the people go." (Exodus 4:21).
Moses knew he had a hard road ahead of him from the very beginning. He knew it wasn't going to be an easy task, but he also knew that God would be with him (Exodus 3:12). God was testing and growing Moses, from the very beginning. Every time that God brought something new to Moses, it was an opportunity for Moses to remember Who God was. That He was the God who brought them out of Egypt. That He was a God who remembered and kept His covenants. It was a learning experience for Moses almost more than anyone else! God had to get Moses ready to be able to lead His people on their upcoming journey.. Which means Moses needed to trust Him based off of previous experiences and God's word.
He does the same with us. He allows us to go through certain things, and He even knows ahead of time that they will happen. Whether it is something catastrophic or minor, it is a chance for us to remember Who He is and all that He has done for us. It's a chance for us to remember that He remembers us, and will keep His covenants. We just need to trust, obey, and remember.
Oh give thanks to the Lord,
call upon His name;
Make known His deeds among the peoples.
Sing to Him, sing praises to Him;
Speak of all His wonders.
Glory in His holy name;
Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face continually.
Remember His wonderful deeds which He has done,
His marvels and the judgments from His mouth,
O seed of Israel His servant,
Sons of Jacob, His chosen ones!
He is the Lord our God;
His judgments are in all the earth.
Remember His covenant forever,
The word which He commanded to a thousand generations,
The covenant which He made with Abraham,
And His oath to Isaac.
(1 Chronicles 16:8-15)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Under His Hand
This morning was a lazy morning. After a week of multiple midterm exams and practicals, lots of caffeine, late nights, and getting up with just enough time to throw on jeans and a hoodie before class... I needed some definite recharge time. I was able to get myself 10ish hours of sound, sound sleep (which doesn't happen often in a dorm), and woke up slowly. Once I had rubbed some of the sleep from my eyes, I un-huddled from my pile of blankets and grabbed my Bible and journal from the foot of my bed, and then huddled back in the corner with some blankets for good measure (in my opinion, the more blankets, the better). There I stayed for a good two hours, reading and praying, writing and thinking.
I've been working my way through 1 Peter slowly. I honestly don't even remember when I started it, because I was taking it one slow chunk at a time, working through it until I felt that I understood it. Finishing it off this morning, I was on a section that I had actually memorized last school year. I had to keep myself from rushing through it because I already "knew" it, and as I came to 1 Peter 5:5-11, I read it with the painstaking pace of a first grader.
There is a lot packed into this passage.. This time though, I noticed something that I had never really thought of before. We are told to humble ourselves under His mighty hand, while casting all of our anxieties on Him. If you have an anxiety, chances are you are worried about something. The thought that He kept pounding into my head while I was working through this was "if you are humbling yourself to Me, how can you worry about ____?" You can not show humility towards Him, and still worry about money, grades, future plans, or whether or not your car will start.
When I worry about something, spending hours of my time thinking about it, I am telling Him that I don't think that He is big enough to work it for His glory and my best interest (which is His glory). I am telling Him that I can somehow fix it or come up with an alternative to whatever He is doing. Because of course, my way is faster, easier, and less painful.
My way doesn't show humility. It shows pride. It shows that I don't completely trust Him to care for me.. Because it says right there that He cares for me. He cares for me, and gives Grace to those who are humble. The proud however, He is opposed to.
It was a good morning.. I spent a lot of time talking to Him about what I was worrying about. What I was holding onto, even if I didn't really realize it. I asked Him to show me what it was that was keeping myself from humbling myself under His hand... Because safe under His hand is where I want to be.
I've been working my way through 1 Peter slowly. I honestly don't even remember when I started it, because I was taking it one slow chunk at a time, working through it until I felt that I understood it. Finishing it off this morning, I was on a section that I had actually memorized last school year. I had to keep myself from rushing through it because I already "knew" it, and as I came to 1 Peter 5:5-11, I read it with the painstaking pace of a first grader.
You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves to humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring loin, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:5-11)
When I worry about something, spending hours of my time thinking about it, I am telling Him that I don't think that He is big enough to work it for His glory and my best interest (which is His glory). I am telling Him that I can somehow fix it or come up with an alternative to whatever He is doing. Because of course, my way is faster, easier, and less painful.
My way doesn't show humility. It shows pride. It shows that I don't completely trust Him to care for me.. Because it says right there that He cares for me. He cares for me, and gives Grace to those who are humble. The proud however, He is opposed to.
It was a good morning.. I spent a lot of time talking to Him about what I was worrying about. What I was holding onto, even if I didn't really realize it. I asked Him to show me what it was that was keeping myself from humbling myself under His hand... Because safe under His hand is where I want to be.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Live Like You're Dying
God has promised forgiveness to your repentance,
but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.
- Saint Augustine
but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.
- Saint Augustine
One of my classes this week has been discussing death and dying. We were asked to choose, of the following seven options, which way we would rather die and which way we would least want to die...
Heart attack
Cancer
Kidney failure
Car accident
Murder
Suicide
AIDs
I have to admit, I was surprised when many of my class chose cancer or kidney failure as their preferred choice. Why? Because it would give them time to make things right, to spend time with their family, and to do the things they wish they had always done. Their least chosen method (ignoring suicide, because we all agreed that was a lousy option) was something like a heart attack, because it would be too traumatic and there wouldn't be any time to say goodbye.
When my classmates asked me why I chose something quicker (heart attack) over something slow, my answer was simple... If I live each day like it is my last, cherishing my time and making the most of everything, why would I need the time to "take care of things"?
We know not the day or the hour that He will return. I don't know when He will chose to take me. If I am in a situation where my relationship with someone is not what it should be, I need to address it now.. Talking with one person in more depth about it later, I realized that if I am truly glorifying Him in the way that I live, grudges, prolonged anger (unrighteous anger), dishonesty, and pride in my relationships are unacceptable. I never know what is going to happen, to them or to me.
I heard the quote on the top on the radio tonight... If I am harboring an angry attitude, a hurt attitude, or a haughty attitude, and I bring it to Him and repent (which means to turn from it...), He promises forgiveness... But He has not promised me tomorrow. He has told me to not worry about tomorrow, but to stay here. Today. Now. Tonight. Right here. Which means taking care of the angry, hurt, and haughty attitudes now.
What do you need to deal with? If someone close to you was to die tonight, would you be at peace about your relationship with them? Would you be able to say that you did everything possible to Love them the way that Christ Loves you? A sinner? Likewise, if you died tonight, would they know that you represented Him in all of your actions? Would they know that you strove to Love them like He first Loved you? Would they know Him because of you? Or would they harbor hurt and uncertainty towards Him because of you?
It's a sobering thing to think about... As Christians, we should not fear death. But leaving people behind that think that following Him leads to skewed priorities and grudge-harboring, to the point they might turn from Him? That is the opposite of glorifying Him... And that, is heartbreaking. Don't wait. It's not worth it.
Instead? Be ready, so that when that day does come (because it will), He can look you in the eyes and say; Well done, my Good and Faithful servant (Matthew 25:21).
When my classmates asked me why I chose something quicker (heart attack) over something slow, my answer was simple... If I live each day like it is my last, cherishing my time and making the most of everything, why would I need the time to "take care of things"?
We know not the day or the hour that He will return. I don't know when He will chose to take me. If I am in a situation where my relationship with someone is not what it should be, I need to address it now.. Talking with one person in more depth about it later, I realized that if I am truly glorifying Him in the way that I live, grudges, prolonged anger (unrighteous anger), dishonesty, and pride in my relationships are unacceptable. I never know what is going to happen, to them or to me.
I heard the quote on the top on the radio tonight... If I am harboring an angry attitude, a hurt attitude, or a haughty attitude, and I bring it to Him and repent (which means to turn from it...), He promises forgiveness... But He has not promised me tomorrow. He has told me to not worry about tomorrow, but to stay here. Today. Now. Tonight. Right here. Which means taking care of the angry, hurt, and haughty attitudes now.
What do you need to deal with? If someone close to you was to die tonight, would you be at peace about your relationship with them? Would you be able to say that you did everything possible to Love them the way that Christ Loves you? A sinner? Likewise, if you died tonight, would they know that you represented Him in all of your actions? Would they know that you strove to Love them like He first Loved you? Would they know Him because of you? Or would they harbor hurt and uncertainty towards Him because of you?
It's a sobering thing to think about... As Christians, we should not fear death. But leaving people behind that think that following Him leads to skewed priorities and grudge-harboring, to the point they might turn from Him? That is the opposite of glorifying Him... And that, is heartbreaking. Don't wait. It's not worth it.
Instead? Be ready, so that when that day does come (because it will), He can look you in the eyes and say; Well done, my Good and Faithful servant (Matthew 25:21).
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