love.

Are you ready for this? This is me, being totally honest.

I have days that I just don't feel loved.

Before this makes you think I'm a sad and depressed person, I know there are two major problems with that. One, I am loved, by my family and my friends. And I know that, because they make it obvious to me! Secondly, it's not always about the feeling... But the reality of what's really going on.

Also, I'm not talking about the love that most people are probably thinking I am. I'm talking about the "deep-down-in-your-heart-I-know-I-am-Loved" kind of Love. Call me crazy, but it's different.

So I was having one of those days this week. It wasn't horrible, but I was just having an off day. When I got home from school that night and was praying and doing my devotions (which might have had something to do with the off day.. Not doing them in the morning), I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Daddy. And I do mean poured. I went to Him with all my hurts and insecurities, and also complained about not feeling loved by Him.

Just when I'm getting into the middle of my pity party (because really, that's kind of what it was), my phone went off LOUDLY. Scared me to death! Normally, I don't check my phone while I'm doing my devotions, but it was a text from my "Grandpa," Doc. Every day or so, he sends me a text with a verse, or some form of encouragement. This one was no exception..

"Read John 15:9. Rest in God's affection. His constant care keeps your heart safely secured. Our Salvation is secure because God's Word is sure. PTL."

So I flip to John 15:9.

Just as the Father has loved me, so also have I loved you;

Abide in My Love.

Wow. I was so overwhelmed that I almost started crying. Why? Because, I realized - His Love really is all I need. His Love is the ONLY way I will ever feel Loved enough. There is a spot deep in my heart that only He can fill, no matter where else I look for that Love. There I was, crying out to Him to show me I was doing the right thing. That looking to Him for Love was the only way. And He did.

Usually I don't have instant revelations like this. I have to think about it, write about it, pray about it, read about it, Cross-reference it, talk about it. But this was different. It was an instant assurance that my heart rests in Jesus' hands, which is right where it belongs.

The next morning, I get in my car to head to school and turn my iPhone on shuffle.. The first song that comes on:

So, you think love is only for the good enough

And one thing you're never gonna be worthy of

But there's a song being sung over you

By the One who breathes life into you

You are being loved, you are being loved

Right now at this very moment

You are being loved, you are being loved

Right now, you are being loved, loved, loved

You are being loved, loved, you are

You ought to see the smile

You're bringing to your Father's face

You ought to hear Him sing

His version of Amazing Grace

'Cause that's the song being sung over you

By the God who breathes life into you

With every breath that you're taking

And every beat of your heart

Even while this song is playing

Whatever you do, wherever you are

There's a song being sung over you

You are being loved, you are being loved

Right now at this very moment

You are being loved, you are being loved

Right now, you are being loved, loved, loved

You are being loved, loved, you are

(Steven Curtis Chapman)

It's not always about the feeling. But I know I am Loved.

He LOVES me.

How awesome is that?!